


a dumb screenshot of youth

by ninwrites



Series: Do I Dare Disturb The Universe? [16]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Childhood Friends, Comic References, Dorks in Love, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Feat. Magnus with glasses, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Teenage Drama, Warning in Notes, and some other surprises, bi pride + visibility centered, heavy themes within, high school sweethearts, young avengers references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-04 20:58:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12176469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: Being a teenager was never going to be easy, but fate aught to be kinder.





	a dumb screenshot of youth

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'Sick of Losing Soulmates' by Dodie Clark
> 
> \--
> 
> All thanks + gratitude will be left in the end notes, along with my links.
> 
> This is dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community, and in particular my fellow bisexuals out there. We stand tall and strong and absolutely beautiful <3
> 
> \--
> 
>  
> 
> **(some heavy themes discussed within: identity struggle/internalised loathing/homophobia/biphobia (very slight); parental abandonment; infidelity; implications of abuse; bullying)**

  

Magnus doesn't cry when Camille Belcourt breaks his heart.

He should, he thinks, because that is what he's expected to do, after finding his girlfriend of ten months with her skirt hitched and leg hiked, pressed against a nameless jock behind the new science building.

Camille doesn't shout in surprise or rush to explain with a litany of tired excuses - she doesn't even pull away. Simply shoots him a pitying look, blood red lips pulled in a biting smile, and tuts.

"So naive," She mocks, speaking to him as though he is a child, and not the year below her. "You honestly believed that we had something special? That I loved you?" Her laugh cuts into him like jagged glass, but still, he does not cry.

Magnus turns away, cheeks burning a wildfire of humiliation, bile rising in his throat, acidic and scorching. He heads home, head ducked, arms folded protectively over his chest to keep himself together until the appropriate time where he can suitably fall apart without any more jeers or taunts haunting him.

He hops up the stairs straight to his room, door slamming behind him because he's alone and he can. His bag is dumped next to his desk before he collapses face first onto his bed, silent tears staining his galaxy pillowcase and fogging up his glasses. He doesn't want to cry, hates knowing that it would give Camille any sense of satisfaction to know that her cruel games are affecting him as badly as they are.

 _So naive,_ Magnus thinks.  _Always searching for love in the wrong places._

 

* * *

 

There's a knock on his bedroom door, not long after Magnus has curled up into the foetal position with his eyes scrunched tight enough to block out the rest of the world. He's struck by the sound, at first, because his mom isn't due to come home until late,  _late_  that night, around the time he's supposed to be in bed, though he rarely ever is.

The knock comes again, hesitant yet incessant, and Magnus knows it isn't his mother because she'd have just burst in by now.

"Come in," He croaks, not really caring if the person on the other side can hear him. There is only a few who'd be around at this time of the day, and most all of them would forgive his impoliteness when aware of the source.

Magnus doesn't open his eyes, because the world is still too bright and hurtful and if he keeps them closed he can keep on pretending that nothing has changed.

"Magnus?"

The ice around Magnus' heart thaws, because he knows that voice, he  _knows_  it. That's the voice of safety and friendship and the little boy who used to string tin cans between their window when they weren't allowed outside because they hadn't finished their conversations about who's better, Captain America or Iron Man.

Magnus opens his eyes, albeit reluctantly, as the covers are pulled back from his head.

"Hey, Alec." He croaks out, tears stuck to his cheeks like glue. "What's up?"

"What's up-" Alec sighs, eyes rolling in a trademark move, hands clenched tightly around Magnus' covers. "Magnus, you're crying, you can't just ... pretend that everything is okay and cool when it clearly isn't."

Magnus sniffs - he hates being vulnerable, despises it, but keeping things from Alec has never been a task that he's found easy. They grew up next to each other, scrapped knees and elbows on the same gravel pavement, jumped over the same cracks in the ground - it was Alec's treehouse that they'd hid out in, Alec's sister they played tea parties with. It was Alec's house that Magnus used to stay at when he was younger and his mother was called into work late, and Magnus' mother who used to make  _martabak manis,_  a thick, buttery pancake that her  _nenek_  had taught her, for Alec's birthday.

If there is anyone Magnus trusts with this, it is Alec.

Magnus pulls himself up, legs curling up beneath him. Alec's gaze flickers, dark and concerned, and he slowly lowers himself down onto the space that Magnus had created.

Magnus adjusts his crooked glasses, a way to fidget and ignore Alec's heavy gaze. He drops his hands into his lap, rubbing his thumb against the knuckle of his index finger, weak sobs bubbling up his throat. He feels weak and pitiful and pathetic, but more than that, he feels like he's six again, huddled against his mother's skirt because his father never loved him and his step-father had abandoned them both for a better family.

He'd been foolish then, and he's foolish now, for believing any of the lies spun in Camille's black widow web.

"Come here," Alec whispers, holding out his arm in an open hug that Magnus falls almost instantaneously into. He buries his head into Alec's neck, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, as sobs wrack his spine and trickle down his cheeks, heart fracturing just that little bit more with each shaky breath he tries to take in.

It sucks. It all sucks, he's heartbroken and hurting and he should have never given himself to Camille like that, but he wanted someone to love him, and for a good time, Camille provided exactly that. She was bright and fun and she encouraged him to be carefree and adventurous and devil-may-care - little had he known, that behind it all had been a hungry shark, that all the teasing had been at him, not with him.

Tomorrow, or perhaps the next day, he'll work on healing his broken pieces. For now, he soaks in the warm presence of his best friend, of the hand that soothes up and down his back, of the one person he knows the can truly count on.

Alec is the crutch he needs to keep himself upright when the ground falls out from beneath him.

 

* * *

 

 

"I'm going to order some pizza, want some?"

Magnus pauses the movie, something funny and a little mindless, turning to Alec in confusion. They'd moved out into the loungeroom, Alec selecting a film to aid in distracting Magnus, though they haven't discussed the problem at the core of it all - which Magnus appreciates more than he could say, because Alec always seems to understand what he needs, but-

"It's getting late," Magnus points out, quietly. Alec's tiny, kind smile is only stirring his confusion more. "Shouldn't you be getting home?"

Alec glances towards the front door, then back at Magnus with a half-hearted shrug. "Mom and Dad are out of town, Max is with them, and Isabelle and Jace are both old enough to take care of themselves - I'm close enough if something goes wrong, and besides, it's not like they listen to me anyway."

"But-" Magnus splutters, words stuck to the roof of his mouth.

"You need me, right now." Alec states. "More than they do, even if you don't think so. I'm your friend, and as such, it is my duty to make sure that you are okay - and if trashy rom-coms and pizza is what it takes, then I'm more than happy to oblige."

"You're the best," Magnus says, because he can't think of any other way to say thank you.

Alec grins, cheeks just that little bit pink, though that could of course be because he's a naturally hot person in a very warm room. "I'm doing what any good friend would do. Pizza?"

Magnus nods, all the whilst biting back comments he knows Alec would refute, because he knows that Alec is more than just a good friend. He's a downright wonderful person, and when Magnus is feeling a little more clear-headed, he really needs to let Alec know just how much he appreciates their friendship.

As it is, he's feeling quite selfish, and intends on soaking up all of Alec that he can, because Alec has this uncanny ability of making him feel good.

 

* * *

 

Alec heads to the front door when the pizza is delivered, instructing Magnus to stay where he is, promising that he has it handled, which is as effective in warming Magnus as a fire lit in the center of his chest.

Alec is just a  _good_  person, he's endlessly kind and supportive and selfless, and perhaps it is because he's an older brother, that he's simply used to giving more than he receives; Magnus can't remember a time when Alec wasn't this way.

He met Alec after they moved into the new house, this house, because his mother is the kind of person who insists upon greeting neighbours and doing the polite thing and dragging her son along with her - and there was Alec, hovering behind his mother, quiet and apprehensive but still ... so very  _kind_ , even then.

Nothing much has really changed in the years since, not where Alec is concerned.

Alec is juggling two pizza boxes, a roll of garlic bread and two bottles of soda when he walks back in, but his glare is strong enough to keep Magnus from standing up - that is, until the heat fades into a confusion that is, in many ways, a little adorable.

"Is that my jacket?" He asks, dropping the food onto the table.

Magnus tugs at the sleeves of Alec's green-and-white  _Idris Academy_ letterman, taut around his shoulders and emitting a warmth that reminds him of Alec's firm, comforting hugs. He doesn't tell Alec this, of course.

"I was cold." He says, instead.

Alec does roll his eyes this time, but he doesn't try and take the jacket back, so Magnus thinks this is a definite win. Alec drops onto the couch and hands Magnus the garlic bread to unwrap, flipping open the lid of both boxes. It's a comforting and familiar gesture, and one that they've done time and time before - Magnus doesn't feel  _better_ , but he does feel distanced from his pain, which is probably as good as he's going to get at this point.

"You don't have to tell me," Alec says, conversationally, lifting out a pepperoni slice with cheese that sticks to the bottom of the box. The best kind, in Magnus' opinion.

Alec glances at him, honest and warm. "I understand that ... whatever happened, isn't pleasant, and I'd like to know to better help you through it-" Alec pauses, and Magnus is sure that he does know, or at least has an idea. "But you don't have to tell me if you're not ready."

Alec shrugs, as though it's simply that easy, as though it truly is up to Magnus if and when he tells him - he'd implied that something horrible had happened, but had kept details to himself and Alec ... has just let him.

"I'm still going to be here, to support you either way." Alec promises.

Then he just, catches the cheesy end of his pizza with his tongue, and starts eating as though he hadn't just thrown Magnus a metaphoric curveball.

 _You're too good for me_ , Magnus thinks, and not for the first time, but as he has done in the past, he keeps it in, because it is perhaps quite a heavy sentiment to drop on Alec; the moment is too nice to ruin.

Magnus breaks off an end piece of garlic bread, slowly, fingertips sticky with butter and herbs. "Camille and I broke-up," He says, voice thin. It sounds odd, out loud, a little more solid and real, because he can't deny it now, can't deny her unforgiving actions nor the talons tearing his heart to shreds.

Alec blinks, then swallows, his eyes on Magnus the whole time. Alec has never been Camille's biggest fan, which Magnus has always been aware of, but he hates that he never realised it was for a good reason, hates himself for trusting that snake of a woman over his  _best friend_.

"I'm sorry." Alec says, and the weirdest part is that Magnus believes him.

There's no reason for Alec to be sorry, he'd seen Camille for the person she was, had to sit by in relative silence whilst Magnus excused her time, after time, after time, for actions he now understands are nothing but despicable.

Yet, he is.

"Why?" Magnus asks, tucking his leg beneath him, knee pressed to Alec's.

Alec frowns, the corner of his mouth twisting downwards. "Because it sucks. And you're hurting, and ... and I'm sorry."

Magnus stares, his own forehead creasing in confusion. Alec has an uncanny ability of surprising him at every turn, but this is, perhaps, the biggest one of all. "But," He splutters. "You hate Camille."

Alec nods, swapping his slice for a napkin. "I do." He admits. "And for good reason, apparently."

"I should have trusted you," Magnus says, dropping his garlic bread onto the table, his stomach twisting too much for even the idea of food. "You told me from the start that she was bad news, and I didn't believe you - I'm sorry."

"Don't." Alec snaps, adamant and firm. "You are the last person who has anything to be sorry about."

Magnus understands the implication, buried beneath stern protectiveness, but Alec doesn't know everything, he doesn't have all the facts, he only has Magnus' biased side.

"I haven't even told you why, yet." Magnus points out, not caring that his deep-set frown will probably give him wrinkles. "You can't say that."

"I know that she's a bitch." Alec says, folding his arms over his chest. "I know that she hurt you, even before today, I know that she continually tore you down and I know that you deserve better than her."

Alec's steam runs out suddenly, his gaze flicking to the side. The tips of his ears are bright red, but then, he isn't the type to just shout out or rant, so it makes sense to Magnus that he'd be feeling a little embarrassed.

Not that he really has any reason to.

"You don't have anything to apologise for. " Alec states, tone low and gaze downcast. "You're a better person than she could ever wish to be, and she isn't worth your pain."

"I just-" Magnus slumps, resting his head against the top of the couch. "I can't believe how stupid I was."

Alec leans closer, copying Magnus' position. "I will slap you if you keep saying these ridiculous lies." He smiles, the corners of his mouth twisted up just slightly. "You are the smartest person I know."

"You have to say that, you're my friend." Magnus protests, though his heart skips at the sentiment.

"Are you saying that  _I'm_  lying? Are you calling me a liar?" Alec smirks, teasing, the reference laid open before them.

"Well," Magnus smiles despite himself. "I ain't calling you a truther."

The laughter bubbles up beneath his skin, tripping out from between his lips until it mingles in the air between them, mixing with Alec's, golden and warm and free. It feels good, to quip and reference a point in their childhood - it was Alec that had showed Magnus the show, one of the first times they'd properly hung out together, and it had become a  _thing_  after that.

"You're not stupid." Alec says, once the laughter has run out. "You're a genius."

Magnus ducks his gaze, heat rising up his neck not from Alec's words but the pure, bleeding honesty in them. He twists his hands in front of him, fingers caught against fingers - he'd taken his rings off for the last period, and apparently, in all the hurt and confusion he'd forgotten to put them back on. He can't be bothered doing it now, and would much prefer to stay right where he is, but it's an odd thing, to realise just how bare and naked he feels without them.

"I caught her with another guy." Magnus mumbles, gaze caught on his hands. "She didn't even care. Didn't apologise. I doubt it was the first time." He laughs, but it's weak and shattered. "Tell me  _that_ isn't stupid."

Magnus startles when Alec takes his hand, locking their fingers together slowly. He looks up, noting the simmering anger and, below that, the trembling concern in Alec's hazel eyes. "I am so,  _so_ sorry." Alec punctuates the words with a squeeze of Magnus' hands. It's warm and unsurprisingly comforting. "You are the last person who deserves anything like that."

He strokes his thumb along the back of Magnus' hand, almost idly, his gaze never straying from Magnus'. "Is there-" He pauses, appearing as torn and distraught as Magnus had felt hours ago. "I know nothing will stop you hurting, but is there anything I can do to help?"

It's bold, and probably unfair of Magnus to ask, but the request escapes before he can register it.

"Stay?"

 

* * *

 

Magnus wakes up first, being the one facing the window. The morning sun is irritatingly bright, but he's too comfortable to get out of bed to try and fix it, Alec's chest pressed flush to - wait.

_What?_

This isn't the first time that they've slept in the same bed; they're both comfortable enough with each other that sharing such a space isn't a big deal - after all, they're just sleeping - but it's never gotten to this point, before.

Not to the point where Alec has his arm thrown over Magnus' waist, his knees pressed to the back of Magnus' thighs, his breath warm against Magnus' bare neck. It's an odd sensation, unfamiliar - but not uncomfortable. Instead, Magnus feels rather secure and at ease - he has a hard enough time getting out of bed on a good day, let alone on a day where he feels like melting into his mattress and forgoing all concerns.

Which, he could probably do, because it is Saturday.

Alec shuffles beside him, a litany of gentle snores filling the air, bringing Magnus sharply back to the present. Heart thudding painfully in his chest, he tries to twist and shift out from underneath Alec's arm. He manages to stick his leg out before Alec's arm tightens, his  _ridiculously_  cold nose pressed to the back of Magnus' neck. Magnus startles, rolling out and off the bed, landing on the ground with a low thud. Fortunately, Alec is a heavy sleeper, and remains so when Magnus picks himself up off the floor. Magnus just, stands there, hands trembling by his side, staring at the spot where he'd been only a moment before.

Had he and Alec ... been like that, all night?

Magnus scrubs a hand over his face, fingertips pressed against his eyelids. It's too early in the day for questions like this. He chucks on the closest jumper that he can find, and then his glasses, which might possibly be colder than Alec's nose; freezing is a stone-cold understatement.

He adjusts his jumper, a dark blue knit-sweater that Alec had gotten him for his birthday, and trudges down the stairs to the kitchen. His mother is sitting at the kitchen table, cradling a steaming cup of green tea between her delicate hands. Her shift at the hospital doesn't start for another six hours, but she prefers to get everything she needs done early in the day, a virtue that Magnus most certainly has not adopted.

"Good morning, Mama." Magnus greets her with a kiss to her cheek, sparing a quick glance at the newspaper spread before her.

"Morning, son. Did you sleep well?" His mother asks, squeezing his arm.

"Yeah," He swallows past the lump in his throat. "I didn't hear you get home last night."

His mother smiles apologetically, her eyes dark and sympathetic. They have many similar features, but the eyes are the clearest connection between them. "It was a little late,  _sayang_ , I'm sorry. It looks like it might be another late one tonight."

Magnus heads towards the coffee machine. "That's okay," He says, because his mother loves her job, and she's good at it, probably the kindest nurse that Brooklyn Medical has ever seen, and it's not exactly an occurrence he's unfamiliar with.

"Will Alec be staying again tonight?"

Magnus' shoulders hunch. He takes a deep breath, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard as the coffee machine hums away. "I don't know."

Magnus isn't sure why he's surprised that his mother knows, she always knows, but he still feels a little unsettled after the events of the past twenty-four hours, and he feels like he's treading along a very thin wire, that one wrong move or slight gust will send him toppling over the side.

Nothing had really happened in the grand scheme of things, but he feels uneasy about it nonetheless.

He turns around just as Alec walks in, wearing one of Magnus' more tame jumpers, a soft emerald v-neck with the sleeves bunched up at the elbows. He spares a quick glance, and somewhat shy smile at Magnus, causing an unforeseen stutter of Magnus' heart.

Strange.

"Good morning, Mrs Bane." Alec greets, polite as always.

"Alec," Magnus can practically see his mother's fond, exasperated smile. "How many times do I need to tell you? You're perfectly welcome to call me Alysa."

Magnus glances at Alec as he pulls the carton of milk out of the fridge. Alec rubs the back of his neck, nervously - it's a back-and-forth he's come to expect.

"Sorry," Alec replies, predictably.

Magnus shakes his head, topping his coffee with a healthy amount of sugar. The metal spoon clinks loudly against the rim of the mug, shrill in the quiet morning. Magnus carries the mugs over to the table, sparing Alec an amused glance, because he can't help it.

"Morning." He says, trying not to think of how safe he'd felt waking up in Alec's arms.

Alec takes his coffee from Magnus, the tips of his fingers brushing against Magnus' knuckles. A spark races at the touch. "Morning. Thank you, for this."

Magnus nods, lifting his own mug to his lips. "Of course."

The silence isn't tense, per se, but rather charged. Magnus isn't sure if Alec knows what had happened, not that he can quite figure it out himself, but he certainly isn't going to bring up whatever it was in front of his mother.

Best to leave it until later.

 

* * *

 

They don't talk about it.

Alec doesn't make any hint of knowing what happened, and Magnus pretends that nothing did, because it's easier and less of a headache to leave the past  _in_ the past. He focuses instead on getting rid of the taint that Camille had scorched, burning her presence from his life so that it's as though she never even entered it.

It's not easy, but he has his friends by his side, and Alec's ever-present calm nature to keep him level-headed, and slowly, slowly, he feels himself stitching back together. He still bristles everytime he passes Camille in the halls, his skin itches when he hears her laugh and there's a heavy weight on his chest when he considers the time he wasted for too long, but he's working on it, putting himself back together piece by painful piece.

He knows that he won't ever be the same person he was before Camille, because he's changed, he's grown - but perhaps it is for the better. Perhaps there is something to be learnt from past mistakes.

 

* * *

 

Magnus slumps next to Alec, his tray rattling on the metal table. Alec glances at him, frowning, his water bottle hovering near his mouth.

"Hi." Magnus greets, cheerfully.

"Hi..." Alec's frown deepens. "What are you doing here?"

Magnus gasps in mock-offence, hand pressed over his heart. "I didn't know I needed an invitation to eat lunch with my friend. I just thought it would be nice, but if you want me to leave-"

"No-" Alec shouts, before clamping his lips together. Magnus grins, amused at the reaction he managed to rouse out of Alec, and stirs his straw around his mango smoothie.

"I just meant-" Alec shakes his head, slightly. "I thought you had a debate team meeting. I wasn't expecting to see you. I'm not saying that I'm not glad you're here, just, surprised."

"Oh," Magnus blinks. Huh. "No, Catarina had a catch-up exam to complete and Ragnor is sick today - without them it's just me against Raphael and Simon and I'm not prepared enough to face their strange dynamic on my own. We've rescheduled it, for next Tuesday."

"That makes sense." Alec tilts his water bottle, his throat rippling as he swallows...

Magnus tears his gaze away, down to his tray. He munches slowly on a carrot stick, alarmed by the heat rushing over him. He's never felt like this around Alec before, and it worries him a little.

"Big game this weekend," He says, trying to steer the conversation to a familiar topic. "Are you nervous?"

Alec shrugs. "A little." He admits, capping his water bottle. "It always gets worse when the game gets closer, but for now I'm just focusing on making sure I'm prepared. The Wolves are a pretty good team, though, I just hope we're good enough."

"You are." Magnus states, because if there's anything he could never doubt, it's Alec's sporting ability. "It doesn't matter how good the other team is, you'll beat them."

He knows little, if anything, about football - all he's learnt comes mostly from paying some attention to Alec's rambling - but he knows how hard Alec works, how much effort he puts into training and preparing for a game, and he has a natural grace on the field that always seems to encourage cheers from the crowd.

There's also the fact that he's a junior on a senior team, but that isn't, apparently, as big of a deal as Magnus thinks it is.

"We'll see," Alec says, though he can't diminish his smile. "There's no point getting excited ahead of time, anything could happen."

"I can get excited." Magnus smirks, daring and sharp. "You can't stop me from getting excited."

Alec rolls his eyes, but his smile remains, the corners tugged up reluctantly. "You're impossible."

Magnus shrugs, stealing a grape from Alec's plate. "You love it."

Silence drifts between them, heightened and static. Noise from groups around them still filter in, but the little bubble they're surrounded by contains nothing but distilled quiet.

Magnus glances over, curious and a little concerned by Alec's sudden drop in conversation. Alec is chewing nervously at his bottom lip, gaze cast outwards, looking anywhere but at Magnus.

"Alexander?"

Alec shakes his head, turning back to Magnus with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "Sorry, sorry - must have spaced out a bit."

Magnus frowns. "It's okay." He reaches out, grasping Alec's shoulder because the glaze over his eyes is a little distant and it's concerning. "Are you, okay?"

"Yeah," Alec nods, though it sounds strained. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He stares at Magnus, for a second, a slight crease forming between his eyes. He reaches out, slowly, his hands gravitating towards Magnus' face. Magnus' breath hitches in his throat as Alec gets closer.

"Let me," He whispers, before carefully extracting Magnus' glasses.

Magnus knows he should be better at adjusting to being 80% blind, but he's been wearing glasses for almost a decade and he's gotten quite attached to them and the very helpful service they provide.

Having that taken away from him, regardless of the warning, is still a fair shock to his system. Alec, meanwhile, is rummaging around in his bag, Magnus' glasses held precariously in his other hand.

Alec pulls back, with a eureka-esque sound, a blue cloth held up in triumph.

"You still have that?" Magnus asks, surprise leaking into his tone despite his best attempt to keep it neutral. "I don't even remember when I gave it to you."

Alec wipes the cloth over the lens of Magnus' glasses. "I had to keep it," He says, glaring at Magnus with very little heat and a lot of exasperation. "You never clean your glasses. It's frustrating. I don't know how you can see through them, honestly."

Magnus shrugs. It's not something he really considers all that much. "I just look through them, as glasses are meant for."

"It's ridiculous," Alec mutters, sounding a lot like Magnus' mother when she chastises him for the same thing.

"I would have to clean my glasses every second of the day to keep them clean," Magnus states, defensively. "There's this thing called dust that drifts in the air and sticks to things, it's a real pain in the ass, especially when it sticks to the lens of my glasses. Much easier to just let it go, and learn to look through them."

Alec shakes his head. "Should get you tiny wipers to attach to the top of the frame to keep them clean."

"Oh, yes." Magnus replies, sarcastically, as Alec hands his glasses over - they'd been through the whole  _only I can put them on_  argument years ago, after Alec had almost poked Magnus in the eye and made him permanently blind. "That's the kind of fashion statement I'd like to be known for."

"You could pull off anything," Alec mutters. It's probably supposed to pass by unnoticed, spoken quietly and beneath his breath, but Magnus catches it anyway.

"Thank you," Magnus replies, his heart stuck in his throat.

Alec nods, and just like that, the situation is dropped. At least, out loud. Inside of Magnus' mind, Alec's words echo, a scratched record of perplexing sentiment and ever-confusing merit.

 

* * *

 

Magnus tugs the strap of his dark emerald coat tighter around his waist, shoulders hunched against the nip of the cold evening air. Clary grins, beside him, her own green pea coat protecting her tiny frame from frostbite, something that sort of negates her happiness because how can she be happy when it's  _so cold?_

"You're a freak of nature," Magnus grumbles, running his gloved hands over his legs, hoping to create a semblance of friction. "You can't possibly be happy right now."

Clary's grin doesn't fade. It's eerie. "It's only the second quarter and we're ahead by five points, against a team that usually win without competition. This is amazing, Magnus!"

Magnus shrugs. "Sure," He grumbles. "But it's still stupidly cold."

He hates the cold. Always has, hates it with a fiery passion that is still not hot enough to keep him warm. However, this is an important game for Alec, and Magnus has rarely missed a game in the past, just as how Alec has made it to all the debate meets he can. They're friends, they support each other, it's just how it works.

"For someone who hates sport, and the cold, and sitting still for that matter, you come to these games a lot." Clary elbows him gently, her eyes almost as bright as her hair. "Any reason for that?"

Magnus frowns. He's known Clary for a while, he knows that she isn't dumb, by any means, so surely the answer should be quite obvious to her. "Yeah," He says. "Because Alec is playing."

Clary's green eyes are sparkling with mirth, but Magnus doesn't know what's funny. He feels like he's standing on the other side of a joke, one he should know but can't push past the outside of.

Before Clary can respond, there's a shout, and then a bunch of the crowd - decked mostly in green and white - stand up, hands applauding a thunderous storm. Clary drags Magnus up with a firm grip on his elbow, before joining in, all whilst Magnus still struggles to catch up on what is going on.

"What's going?"

Clary nods towards the end of the field, where a bunch of the Idris Academy team are huddling, arms pumping and waving in the air. "Alec just scored a touchdown." Clary explains, grinning ear to ear. "It's his first one of the game, this is so exciting!"

Magnus scans the green-and-white huddle on the ground for Alec's number, twenty-three, because his messy mop of black hair is probably hidden beneath a helmet, leaving Magnus with very little to work with. He wants to run down there and hug Alec, congratulate him, because he doesn't need to know a lot about the game to know that a touchdown is a  _huge_  deal, but by the time he gets past all these people, down the stairs and over towards the field the game will probably be back in play, so he reluctantly resorts to just cheering and applauding as loud as he can.

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus finds Alec later, once it's over and those who just came for the game itself are starting to trickle back to their cars. He's standing with a handful of the team, talking animatedly with Jace, hands moving in broad movements in front of him.

It's rather, sweet, how excited he gets about football - and archery, and track-and-field, for that matter.

Jace breaks away as soon as Clary steps close, acknowledging Magnus with a slight nod before all of his attention is stolen away. Behind him, Alec shakes his head the way only an older brother can.

"Hey," Magnus says, knocking Alec's shoulder with his own. "Heard you had a good game."

Alec's grinning like it's Christmas. "Yeah, it's - it's crazy that we won," He smiles through the words. "We shouldn't have, I mean, the odds were against us tenfold."

Magnus feels happy on behalf of Alec, proud of him, too. He knows the hard work Alec puts into his training, knows that this is entirely well-deserved. "Yet, you did."

Alec nods, slowly, as though he's still trying to come to terms with it all himself.

"How interesting," Magnus taps his chin, thoughtfully. Amusement sparks inside him as Alec frowns, one hand dragging through his damp curls.

"What?"

Magnus inclines his head slightly, catching the reflection of the fluorescent stadium lights in Alec's hazel eyes. "Oh, nothing, it's just - well, you know me." He smirks. "I love being right. Which I am, because I said that you would win, and you did, so I for one am quite pleased with tonight's turn of events."

Alec groans, hand raking over his face. "You're such a dork."

Magnus can't stop grinning. He wraps his arm around Alec's shoulder, leaning close so their heads are touching, because the crowd around them are getting louder and louder and this isn't something he wants to have to shout.

"All jokes aside." He says. "I'm really proud of you, Alexander."

Alec's smile is softer, though the force of it doesn't diminish, not one bit. "Thanks," He exhales, breath a little shaky. "I still can't quite believe it happened."

"Well, you'd better believe it-" Magnus says. He's about to go on, about how he always knew Alec was  _that good_ , but he's interrupted by Jace's exuberant - and a tad annoying presence.

Their friendship is based on mutual respect and little else.

"Hey, Alec - a bunch of the guys are heading to the Carstairs house for a sort of, post-game party, are you in?"

Magnus, always one for parties, brightens at the mere idea. Alec on the other hand seems to slump, shoulders curving forward. Magnus notices, because he always does, and angles his body so that he's facing Alec, his back turned to Jace.

"Hey," He whispers, pulling back to squeeze Alec's shoulder comfortingly. "You know that you don't have to go if you don't want to. There's nothing stopping you from just heading home."

"No, I-" Alec shakes his head. "I don't want to go home, I just - parties, you know, they're not..." Alec cuts off, hands waving erratically before him. "Not really my thing. All those people, and everything..."

"I get it." Magnus replies, kindly, because he does.

He might not understand personally, because he loves parties and people, loves the fun and the attention, but Alec doesn't, and that's perfectly fine. The only shame is that it's something Alec still sometimes has a problem wrapping his head around.

"You don't have to, man, just thought I'd bring it up in case you were interested." Jace shrugs, smile open and free of any judgement.

"But," Alec splutters, lost and scrambling. "You're probably going, and Iz will want to go too, and someone has to make sure you don't get into trouble..."

Jace waves Alec's concerns away with a firm hand. "I can make sure that Iz and myself both get home safely if you don't want to come. You don't always have to put us first - it is okay to do things for yourself, every once in awhile."

"Come on, Alexander." Magnus pokes at Alec's shoulder, encouraging the slightest hint of a smile from him. "We can take a walk, get some ice-cream, hole ourselves up in your room and watch re-runs of Friends. Sounds like a dream to me."

Alec laughs, the sound warming Magnus' chest. "Of course it sounds like a dream to you. Mags, you've watched Friends so much that you can literally quote it off by heart -in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you watch it behind your eyelids before you go to sleep."

Magnus gasps, shocked and affronted, hand hovering over his thudding heart. "That is completely unfair," He states, before letting loose a cheeky grin. "And entirely true. Does that mean you're in?"

Alec frowns, gaze flickering between Magnus and Jace. "Are you sure it's okay?" He asks Jace, forehead creased with deep-set lines.

"Alec." Jace states. "It's fine. I'll let you know when we leave, and if anything happens, I'll call you immediately. Okay?"

Alec nods, a little reluctant but relieved nonetheless. "Okay."

Jace scampers off with a quick salute, towards Clary and a bunch of other football players. Magnus turns to Alec, who's smile is kind and a little wistful.

Magnus bends his elbow, offering it to Alec with a cheesy wink. "Care to take a walk with me, good gentleman?"

Alec stares at Magnus, then his arm, and back again. "Okay," He replies, dragging the word out. "Yeah, okay."

 

* * *

 

The moon hasn't reached it's peak, but the crystal white glow reaches towards them anyway, streaked along the chipped pavement; Magnus thinks that  _dancing in the moonlight_  is quite a cliched theme, but walking beside Alec, arms brushing together every now and then, he can sort of see the appeal, see the romanticism that comes with the moon's soft rays.

It's the first time since Camille had shredded his heart that he's entertained any romantic situation, and it feels good, feels like a step forward. He's been working on moving past it since it happened, but Camille had been his first serious relationship, if it can be called that, and he's never been in this position before.

It feels like he's walking blindly through a maze, with no idea as to how close he's getting to the exit or if he is just tracing back his own footsteps.

"Hey," Alec nudges him with his elbow, bringing Magnus from his thoughts, to the moonlit path and the familiar warmth of his best friend. "Penny for your thoughts?"

Magnus half-shrugs, tucking his hands into his pockets. He'd had to take back his arm after the cold had started seeping past the collar of his coat, arms bunched up beside him to keep in as much warmth as possible.

"Just, thinking." He says, glancing at Alec from the corner of his eye. "It's been, what, a month, since the whole mess with you-know-who?"

Alec grimaces. "She who shall not be named - yeah, about that long. Is the time important?"

"A little," Magnus thinks of how easier it is to breathe these days, how he's stopped thinking about her, how even though the sight of her still makes his skin crawl, he's gotten better at ignoring it. "I know there's no timeline on grief or mourning a relationship but, I feel like I'm getting over it, steadily."

"Really?" Alec sounds curious, and genuinely interested. He'd been the first to support Magnus after the incident, and whilst he hadn't threatened to spill blood like others, he'd provided the moral support that Magnus needed.

Magnus is sure that he wouldn't have made it as relatively unscathed as he has without Alec's support.

"Yeah," Magnus nods, sounding more certain having said it aloud. "Yeah, I am. Thanks to my stubborn determination to not let her toxic presence affect me - and you, of course."

Alec halts, right there in the middle of the street. Magnus slows, and turns to face him, surprised by Alec's abruptness.

"Me?" Alec echoes.

Magnus would usually roll his eyes, because  _duh_ , but this feels too heavy for such a discarded gesture. Alec sounds genuinely surprised, which doesn't make any sense, because Alec is the only thing that has kept Magnus together - even when Magnus was in a relationship, Alec was the one he turned to, for this or that or the other.

Alec is his rock.

"I couldn't have gotten through any of this without your help, Alexander." Magnus doesn't understand how Alec can't get it. "I'd be lost without you."

Something indecipherable flickers across Alec's face. It throws Magnus, a little, because he can usually read Alec pretty well, better than anyone else, but he can't this time. Alec's eyes are dark and hardened, the corners of his mouth lifting in what would otherwise be quite a nice smile, and he's staring at Magnus like he's a thousand-piece puzzle.

All at once, or so it seems, everything softens, time slowing and zeroing in on the two of them - not that anybody else would be foolish enough to stand on a cul-de-sac pavement at night.

Between one heartbeat and the next, Alec rushes forward - his arms wrap around Magnus' waist, head tucked against his neck, and though it is a surprise, it is not an unpleasant one. Magnus hugs him back, just as tightly, his chest pressed to Alec's broad one, nose brushing Alec's tangled hair - he inhales Alec's shampoo, crisp and sweet, some citrus blend that's new and a little ... enticing.

"I'd be lost without you, too." Alec mumbles, breath ghosting across Magnus' neck. Shivers race down Magnus' spine, senses heightened, heart stuttering behind his ribcage.

Magnus hugs Alec tighter, hands digging into his back - they've hugged before, plenty of times, but it's never really felt like this. This is all very new, and very strange - and he thinks he likes it.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Magnus - can I ask you something?" Alec's voice is quiet, apprehensive.

Magnus glances up from his textbook, highlighter held carefully between his fingers. The two of them had been studying, in the same space but on different subjects, Alec with his Greek literature, Magnus a report on homeostasis in mammals versus reptiles. It's nice, and something they tend to do often - even if they can't help each other with the actual content, being in the same company provides a soundboard to rant to, which is always a comfort.

"Of course-" Magnus taps his highlighter against his textbook. "Though if it's about that Aga-what's-his-face I probably won't be able to help. I honestly don't even know how you keep up with all those characters and their families, even though I'm pretty sure they're all related, anyway."

Alec doesn't laugh, which worries Magnus a bit, because this isn't a new subject for them, and besides, Alec is the one person Magnus can count on to laugh at his jokes, even if it's a sarcastic laugh at his admittedly weak ones.

Magnus pulls himself up from his face-down position on the floor, crossing his legs beneath him. Alec has his knees up, arms hugging them, head resting between his legs. He's looking down, fingers tapping an unrecognisable beat against his knees, and he looks ... downtrodden, like Magnus had, for the first few days after his breakup. Even his hair is messy and flat, spiked out frantically at the sides.

Alec may not care about his appearance the way that Magnus does, but this is different. It's ... sad, in the classic sense, where something is just  _off_. Concern rises inside Magnus like a swaying tide, but he pushes it down to focus better on Alec, on what is wrong so that he can fix it, because he hates when Alec is sad.

It's hard to be happy when Alec isn't.

"This isn't about Agamemnon." Alec mumbles, still looking downwards. "I wish it was that easy."

Magnus personally thinks that Greek literature could be described as anything other than easy, but that just shows how serious this is, that whatever it is that is worrying at Alec is important and heavy and too much for him to handle on his own.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, Alec. I'm not going to judge."

Magnus once wore fluorescent yellow jeans to school. And he dated Camille Belcourt. And sung Destiny's Child - badly - at a school talent show when he was twelve. He doesn't have any right to judge anyone - not that he would, anyway, and especially not Alec.

"Have you ever..." Alec's fingers dig into his jeans, knuckles grey. "Have you ever just felt ... different? Like there was something about you that, separated you from other people?"

Magnus ponders it, even as the answer flits immediately to mind. Alec is looking for more than just a 'yes', he's looking for something that will help him understand, and feel less alone.

"When we first moved here," Magnus begins, thinking of his former lanky self, with knobby elbows and knees, cheeks that were too round, clothes and shoes that never seemed to fit despite his mother's insistence that he would grow into them. "I felt, well, like an outcast."

The neighbourhood is nice.  _Really nice_. The rich area of town, with houses that span at least two stories, gardens and picket fences and expensive shiny cars, tiny dogs that yap as they pass, women who run in groups and chat about their babies or their husbands.

It's a neighbourhood of modern houses and white fences and a general population of white people.

Magnus' mother had come into some inheritance, in addition to what she'd previously saved up, and it allowed them the chance to mortgage a property in a good neighbourhood, to give Magnus the education and chance at life that she never got. However good her intentions had been, nothing could have saved him from the cruel curiosity of children who'd never seen anyone with skin darker than their mother's tans.

Part of his surprise when meeting Alec was how Alec treated him. Alec acted like Magnus was cooler, like he was someone to aspire to be like, and he was the first person that Magnus had met in the neighbourhood who didn't treat him like he was dirt to trample upon.

At school, he'd stood up for Magnus against kids who called him names, took detention in Magnus' place after Magnus had tripped a bully over who'd taunted him for the colour of his skin, and his single-parent household.

Alec was the first person, his mother excluded, who taught him that it's okay for him to be himself, that he's good enough as he is, different though he might be.

Alec lifts his head up, eyes dark and blown wide. "Oh, Magnus." He sighs, self-deprecation leaking into him, muscles pulling his shoulders forward. "I can't believe I could be so insensitive, I'm so sorry - of course you ... just, forget it. Forget I said anything."

"Alexander," Magnus marks his place with a highlighter, folding his textbook and sliding it away, out of the road. "What's going on? I don't think you were being insensitive, it's not the kind of person you are, and I think I understand the point you're trying to make, but I don't understand why?"

Alec's fingers twist themselves into knots, tangled and nervous. It's rare that Magnus has seen Alec like this, they have a level of comfort that sits below the surface, invisible but poignant, a ribbon of trust from Alec's pinky to Magnus'.

Magnus wants to move closer, comfort Alec through touch, tell him it's okay, but he has a feeling that in this situation Alec wants space, some distance to order his thoughts.

The power is, essentially, in Alec's hands, for when, and if, he's ready.

"I think I might-" Alec shudders, arms tightening around his knees. It pulls at something deep inside of Magnus, to see Alec so torn and upset, and he wants to help, but he doesn't know how, because he still doesn't know what is wrong.

Alec's next words are muffled, spoken against his jeans. Magnus frowns, but he can't figure out what Alec has said.

"Care to repeat that?" Magnus prods, gently.

Alec's knuckles are white, now, hands clenched so tight that Magnus is surprised a vein hasn't burst. He lifts his head up just enough to be heard, his eyes hooded and dark.

"I think I might be interested in guys," Alec whispers.

Magnus thinks his reaction should be greater than what it is. He's surprised, a little, but nowhere near shocked or upset or however Alec was probably expecting, considering he still refuses to look Magnus in the eye.

Something in his heart spikes, electric and strangely cold. This isn't about him, though.

"Okay." Magnus speaks slow, so as not to spook Alec in any way. It's clearly a very serious thing for him, and while Magnus understands it's a big deal in the grand scheme of life, it isn't to him.

He hasn't put much thought into who he likes, especially not in recent months when most, if not all of his attention was taken up by Camille, who is as unfortunately beautiful as she is cold-hearted, but he can see the appeal, can recognise when a guy is attractive - though it wouldn't matter to him even if he didn't.

This is  _Alec._  Alec is an unchangeable presence in his life, a grounding force, an anchor.

"I-" Alec lifts his head properly, wary but curious. "Okay?" He echoes, voice thin and a little strange.

"Yes, Alec, okay - it doesn't matter to me, who you like. I'm not going to think any differently." Magnus inches closer, slowly, still leaving a hand's distance between them. "Do you think you might be..."

He draws off, unsure if it's appropriate to ask. The last thing he wants to do is upset Alec.

Alec breathes in, deeply. Steeling himself, almost. "Gay?" He seems to relax a little after saying it aloud. "Yeah, I ... I think so."

Magnus reaches out, then, because he has to, an almost physical need urging him to make contact, to reassure Alec that it's all  _okay._  His hand closes over Alec's, and although it's a little awkward, it's something.

"I don't think any less of you," He promises, squeezing those of Alec's fingers that he's managed to curl his own around. "You're still my best friend, and I will still be by your side, no matter what, okay?"

Something unknown flashes in Alec's eyes, his smile, when he offers it, faint and a little strained. Then again, he'd just essentially come out with no real idea as to how Magnus would react, so it's entirely fair if he's feeling a little spaced. Magnus would too, in his position.

"Thank you," Alec whispers.

"For what?"

Alec's loosens the grip his hands have around his knees, letting Magnus' hand catch them. "For being so cool about this. I know it's probably not a big deal, but - thank you."

"You're right, it's not a big deal, not to me." Magnus shrugs. "But if it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal. These things are personal, and only you can decide how you feel, and what it means."

Alec lets out a deep, and heavy exhale. "It feels like some weight has been lifted off." He admits, thoughtfully. "You're the first I've told, though I think Izzy knows, and it just feels ... like a relief. I'm glad it's out, even if you're the only one who knows."

Humility drowns Magnus.

"Thank you for trusting me with this," He replies, softly, overcome by the emotion tugging at his heart strings, the joy and the overwhelming honour, that Alec feels comfortable enough to tell him, before his own family, his sister, who he knows Alec is very close with. The two of them are, in many ways, more like twins than siblings, despite the slight age difference.

"Thank you for being..." Alec shrugs, lightly, smiling without thought. "Well. Thank you for being you."

His words fill Magnus with a happiness that, while nonsensical, is greatly appreciated.

"Ditto."

 

* * *

 

Magnus' dreams are usually nightmares.

Cloaking darkness that constricts and suffocates, senses strong for all but sight, burning gold eyes, the sound of his father slamming the door so hard the upstairs windows rattle, his mother's broken sobs when she thinks that he's asleep, tight hands that dig into his arms so hard purple and black bruises are left behind for days.

Memories more than anything else stream through his subconscious, and that is if he dreams at all. He considers it a lucky night when his sleep is blank and quick, eyes closed one moment, morning breaking the next.

His dreams are never warm, never bright, never happy.

 

* * *

 

Magnus wakes up feeling like he's been hugged.

He hasn't, because his bed is big and empty and he hasn't crawled into his mother's room since he was a child, but still the feeling persists. He doesn't remember much of his dreams, at first, believing that he just hasn't had any - he hits his alarm before it gets too obnoxious and he loses motivation to get ready, slides on his glasses even knowing that a trail of shivers will race down his spine because they always do, and throws his covers off because if he's going to be cold he might as well get it over and done with at once.

Magnus tugs open his curtains, squinting slightly at the early morning sun. Alec's curtains aren't open, which isn't that odd because despite his dedication to school and performing to the best of his ability, he hates early mornings about as much as Magnus does.

Magnus hits  _2_  on the keypad of his phone, leaning casually against the window frame. Alec picks up after the fourth ring, a few seconds of static silence greeting Magnus before Alec's groggy, gruff and croaked voice breaks through.

"What do you want?"

Magnus grins, used to Alec's grumpy pre-caffeined attitude. "And a good morning to you, too, Alexander. I figured I'd offer you a personalised wake up call because we really wouldn't want you to be fatigued and lethargic, today of all days."

"Today?" Alec echoes.

Magnus frowns, glancing over towards the calender sitting on his desk. He knows that Alec can sometimes be forgetful, his attention spared more towards what others have coming up than he himself does, it's why he has an orange pen to mark Alec's things - his own is purple and his mother's is pink because he's a cheeky son and she hates the colour, though she appreciates his reminders.

"You have an archery comp at school, today, don't you?" Magnus crosses back to the window. Alec's pulled his open, but he's nowhere in sight, which could mean anything - he's waking up his siblings, he's making breakfast in the kitchen, he's in the bathroom looking at his no-doubt bird's nest of a hairstyle.

"Um," Alec pauses, tone wonderstruck when it returns. "Yeah, in the afternoon. You remembered?"

Alec's head pops up in front of the window - Magnus feels oddly satisfied that he was right, Alec's hair spiked in a hundred different directions, smile lazy and charming. He's also not wearing a shirt, and Magnus isn't really sure why he notices that because he's seen Alec shirtless before, it's not a new phenomenon it's just Alec without a shirt, but it's ... hm.

It's weird. Not, bad, weird, but there's a flutter of nerves in the bottom of his gut that he doesn't recognise and he's  _looking_ , his gaze caught on Alec with the pull of a magnet.

"Of course I remembered," Magnus says, shaking his head, hoping it will do something to settle his thoughts. "It's important to you. I don't believe you have any reason to be nervous, but ... are you?"

Alec shrugs, rubbing at the back of his neck, a rather endearing trait he does quite a lot, Magnus has noticed. "Not yet? I think I will be when it gets closer because, it's a solo thing you know - when I'm on the field I have the support of a whole team, but this time it's just me."

"You're good enough on your own." Magnus assures him. "You have a depth and skill that is rare in people our age - you didn't get the nickname of Hawkeye for nothing."

Alec shakes his head, but even from here Magnus can see a shy grin forming. "Which one?"

"Don't insult me, Alexander." Magnus grins, too. Their mutual love of comics isn't something they promote, especially considering what they read and the importance such characters hold for them both, but it is something dear to them. "Kate Bishop is the only Hawkeye I will accept. A badass with a killer fashion sense and a stubborn refusal to do what others want of her, who managed to overcome past trauma without letting it keep her in the dark? That is my kind of hero."

Alec laughs, warm and golden through the line. "You just find her attractive. You had the same reaction to Wonder Woman."

Magnus holds his hand up, knowing Alec can see him perfectly. "Firstly - can you blame me, Kate knows how to work purple, and Diana is a legendary hero, even you teared up in the film. Secondly, you can't call out my attraction to fictional characters when I know you're in love with Billy."

Alec splutters, disappearing from the window momentarily. A part of Magnus droops. "Wiccan-"

"He has a name, Alexander, it's only polite to use it."

Alec comes back, tugging on a faded t-shirt that used to be a bright green before he wore it for the hundredth time. "You and I both know I'm aware of his name."

Magnus hums, thoughtfully. "Actually, that's a good point - how did I not realise you were gay, before? You practically drool every time Billy - sorry,  _Wiccan_  uses his powers."

Alec shrugs. "Well, he's... quite, magical."

Magnus giggles, because he can't help himself, he adores getting a rise out of Alec like this, loves the heat that flares on his cheeks and the frustrated way he rushes to find something to say in response.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" Alec asks, affronted. "I know it takes you like two hours and that's on a good day."

"Et tu, Alexander, et tu."

Alec does have a point. Magnus sighs exaggeratedly into the phone, wishing it wasn't true - unfortunately, he has a bio test first up and he needs to be at height performance to keep up his A+ grade average.

"Alas, I must love and leave you - temporarily of course, I'll still meet you out the front but a work of art like this," Magnus gestures broadly to his face, his hair a particular target. "Takes some effort."

Alec doesn't reply, at first. He's just, standing there, one hand tugging at the hem of his shirt, almost nervously - which doesn't make sense, because Alec doesn't get nervous around him.

"I'll see you in a bit, Mags." Alec's voice is thin when he does reply, but he's hung up before Magnus can enquire. He darts out of sight, probably out the door, leaving Magnus staring at a empty room and a glass window that feels more like a brick wall than anything else.

Magnus heads towards his closet, because he'd stayed up too late studying last night to plan an outfit beforehand, mind whirring around what could have dampened Alec's attitude so quickly.

He flicks through his clothes, coat-hangers clinking, when a snatch of last night's dream figuratively slams into him. Soft laughter filters into the air around him, eyes the colour of a forest in spring, filled with warmth and affection strong enough to drown in. The safety of comforting arms wrapped tightly around him.

_Alec?_

 

* * *

 

That evening, Magnus finds himself reaching for a Young Avengers comic. Something in his conversation with Alec had stuck with him all day, and he's earned some light, easy reading away from chemistry equations and preparatory notes for his upcoming debate meet - his team are arguing  _for_ the subject, not that they actually know what it will be; there's a list of topics already handed out, but none of them will know for certain what they're arguing for until the day of the meet.

Point remains, Magnus has been very productive, and deserves a break. He picks an issue at random, as he's read them all at least once, some more, and he doesn't remember one he didn't enjoy.

He's hoping, as always, for one centered on Hulkling, because he feels a slight comraderie with Teddy - they both have times where they don't feel like they fit inside of their own skin, have both been taken advantage of by popular people they were trying to impress, both come from single-parent households with hard-working mothers who put their children before everything else.

Teddy was the one who taught Magnus that someone's past does not have to determine their future, and where they come from doesn't dictate where they are headed in life - and, to a certain degree, that being different isn't a bad thing.

Magnus ends up pulling out the ninth issue of the 2013  _Young Avengers_ run _,_ where the costumes got a little better and the plotlines a lot darker - he realises, when he looks at the cover, that this is the issue he and Alec had spent a good week arguing over.

A favoured couple took some time apart, which Magnus believed was appropriate, because they needed to figure out where their relationship stood and to reavaluate the extent and depth of their feelings for each other.

Alec thought that they should have talked it out instead of walking away from the issue at hand, because distance doesn't make the heart grow fonder, it just makes everything hurt a lot more.

Magnus carefully turns the front page, soothed by the familiar font and the only real heroes he'd put faith in. He and Alec had never actually come to a mutual consensus on the storyline; everything had ended up working out in the 13th issue anyway.

Despite the rather intense plot, Magnus finds himself swept up in the story, the fight against an alien entity that calls itself  _Mother_ , the white pages and racing heroes and the fight to save the world.

And of course, the usual teenage angst revolving around the cliched drama of  _such-and-such_  kissed someone else who's in a relationship - this issue beginning with the aftermath of that and-

_"I'm bi. Never said that out loud."_

Magnus had never paid that much attention to Prodigy, because he was an X-Man that came in out of nowhere with his yellow glasses and his genius mutation - Magnus, feeling indebted and connected to the Young Avengers crew, was against the idea of a newcomer interrupting the group dynamic.

He'd forgotten about this, about the kiss and the confession and the identity crisis. Now, he can't look away, the small square panel causing something strange to fizz and bubble inside of him. Bi. Bisexual.

Logically, Magnus knows what it means, knows that there are people whose attraction isn't limited to a single gender, but he'd never actually thought about it, not in an applicable situation, nowhere further than just  _oh, that's a thing_.

He doesn't feel as detached from the term now, especially not when his eyes travel down to the next panel.

_"It was like realizing something that was always true and I just couldn't see it until now. It was like all the rooms in my head opening."_

Magnus' skin is hot, fire lit beneath his skin, and everything feels like it is closing in around him, the walls pressing, ground falling away, thoughts scattering like marbles let loose upon a tiled floor.

It's not an anxiety attack, not an attack of any kind because he's had those before, more than he'd like, and it's different - along the same vein but still  _different._  This feels like he's being seized, his entire world thrown upside down, the same way he imagined Alice felt before she tripped down the rabbit hole.

But none of it feels particularly scary. Strange and unfamiliar and a little unsettling, but not worth fear.

_"It was like an awakening."_

 

* * *

Magnus hovers in the entryway to the lounge, fingers itching by his side. He can see his mother relaxing after her ten-hour day-shift, he presumes with her sudoku or crossword book in hand because it's a typical way for her to relax.

He's been standing there for at least five minutes, if not more, because he wants to talk to her about everything, all the thoughts that refuse to leave him alone, the queasiness that's sitting in his gut like a stone, that hasn't left him in the half a week since he'd stared at Prodigy come out on the tangible comic pages in front of him.

"Are you planning on assimilating into the furniture, Magnus?" His mother calls, her tone crisp and a little teasing. "Or do you have something you'd like to ask me?"

Magnus shuffles properly into the room, fingers catching in the sleeves of his jumper. His mother probably believes that he's waiting to ask about a party or some money for a shopping trip, considering it's a Thursday night and that's typically what he asks about - he doesn't have to ask about Alec coming over, or going over to Alec's, because they've been friends for long enough that it's weird if they don't hang out.

Magnus wishes, he really does, that he was just asking about a party. Asking his mother if he could throw a party with the entire school invited would be less stressful than this.

He curls up against the couch, one leg pulled up in front of him, head resting upon his knee. His mother turns to him, thumb pressed between the pages of her sudoku book. "Magnus?"

Magnus grits his back teeth, words sticking in his throat. He wants to tell her, whatever he can, because he can't figure anything out and he feels lost and confused and he just wants his mother to fix it because it's what she does. When he was young and he grazed his knees, his mother would stick on a colourful plaster and kiss it better; when he entered high school she'd sit up with him and help him with the sudden influx of homework; even just a few weeks ago he was turning to her to help him organise his biology notes for his test because she is one of the smartest people he knows.

If anyone can work out what's going on, she can.

"What is bothering you,  _sayang_?" His mother clips her pen into the book, dropping it on the coffee table before turning her full attention to Magnus. "Did something happen at school?"

"No," Magnus croaks out. He'd learnt to stand up for himself against bullies - though not, apparently, the ones he dates - but his mother is, understandably, worried the cycle will return. "It's nothing to do with, with school."

His mother reaches out, one hand closing over his. "It's tearing you apart, Magnus, I can tell. I thought it was stress at school - but it's not. What is it, darling?"

Magnus digs the nails of his empty hand into his palm, knuckles strained. "I don't really know."

"Is it to do with..." His mother frowns. She's always so dedicated to helping others, to making sure that people are okay and healthy and happy if possible; has from the moment he was born been determined to give him what she never had. "Me?"

"No, no." Magnus shakes his head, adamantly. His mother could never do something wrong, not for long enough to bother him. "It's to do with ... me."

Magnus is glad he turned to his mother for help, but admitting aloud that he has a problem at all is hard enough without having to face it.

"I think I might ... not just, like, girls." He whispers. He doesn't know, he  _doesn't know_  and it bothers him because he hates not knowing, especially when it's about himself. He should know himself by now.

Or, so he thought.

"You think that you might like boys, as well."

It's not a question, barely even a query. His mother speaks as though it's a statement, a known fact, which doesn't make any sense, because how could his mother be so okay with it, how could his mother understand when Magnus doesn't?

"Yes."

Magnus ducks his head, the corners of his eyes pricking with unshed tears. His heart is pounding chaotically, all his senses honed in on the roar of blood in his ears, the tense curve of his shoulders, the drop of the world as it falls away.

The warm press of his mother's palm against his brings him back to reality, though his heart refuses to slow it's painful beat. "It's okay, Magnus." His mother doesn't raise her voice, simply speaks to him as she normally would, as though everything  _is_ okay.

Tears burn a trail of fire down his cheeks, but his mother soothes them away, erasing them from his skin, thumbs careful beneath the frame of his glasses. "There is nothing wrong with you."

Magnus is prepared to argue, because there must be, he's almost eighteen and he'd never even realised that he was attracted to guys in  _that way_ ; he's always understood their attraction, but distantly. After all, he's attracted to girls, that's just how it works.

Prodigy had reminded him that bisexuality existed, and suddenly, like the flick of a switch or perhaps, more accurately, the chilling shock of an entire bucket of ice water dumped on his head - Magnus realised that fitted him.

Prodigy wasn't the only bi one. And the shock of that understanding scares him a little, because it feels like everything he'd known until now was wrong.

"Is this a surprise to you?" His mother asks, bringing Magnus out of his fogged mind because - yes. It's quite a surprise to him. Why isn't it a surprise to her?

"Kind of, yeah." He frowns. "You're not surprised?"

His mother has a very particular smile she reserves for only him. It's gentle and sweet, with a shine in her eyes that carries more love than her heart can hold, and an almost tender affection that wraps around him like a comforting hug.

It's always been the two of them, and Magnus has never wanted for anything more. He doesn't need to know his father, doesn't care that his step-father ran out on them, because he has his mother and she is the only parent he needs.

His mother is sunshine incarnate and how he's stupid enough to ever think she would have a problem with his sexuality, he'll never know.

"I've seen the way you look at people," His mother explains, kindly. "Girls, and some boys. I wasn't sure if you knew, but I always have, and I love you for it, not in spite of it. It is a part of you, and there is nothing about you I don't love. You are my son,  _buah hatiku_  - you will always be the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Magnus doesn't mind the tears tripping down his cheeks, because his heart is full and bursting and he's never loved his mother more. He shuffles forward, and although the angle is a little awkward and there's a crick in his neck and his mother's knee digging into his leg, he can't find it in himself to care.

"I love you, Mama." He whispers.

"As I, you." His mother replies, pressing a kiss to his temple. He pulls back slowly, feeling better and empty in the best way, like he's let go of a weight he'd been carrying deep inside.

"Is there anything else you'd like to tell me?" His mother asks. "Whilst we are here, all close and emotional."

There are tears shining in her eyes, too, but she's better at keeping them at bay.

Magnus pulls off his glasses, wiping them quickly with the hem of his shirt to clear away the fog. It isn't the best method, but it will suffice for now. "Anything else?"

It sounds like she has a particular topic in mind, but he doesn't have any clue.

"Your feelings, perhaps. For someone."

Magnus slides his glasses back on, blinking to focus and dispel the few stubborn tears left behind. "What?"

"Oh,  _sayang_." His mother doesn't sound very sympathetic - rather, teasing, and a little amused. "I've seen the way you look at Alec."

"Alec?" Magnus can feel heat bloom on his cheeks.

"It is not the way a friend looks at another friend, not even a best friend." His mother's smile is, at least, somewhat compassionate. "He looks at you the same."

"How?" Magnus croaks.

"With love."

 

* * *

 

Magnus is late to school the next day, sleep keeping him under so long his mother had to drive him to school, and he's barely managed to throw together an outfit that matches. His hair is fluffy, curled slightly at the front from his shower but otherwise a mess, he's wearing black  _jeans_  and a maroon Henley his mother had gotten him for his birthday with lace-up boots that he's pretty sure used to belong to Alec.

Magnus makes it into his first class, English, just before the bell signalling the first period goes off. It's fortunately a class he shares with Alec - because Alec is foolish and has taken on two English classes instead of just one, like any normal and sane person would.

Not that Magnus would ever insult Alec by calling him normal.

"Hey," He says flopping into his seat before their teacher, Mrs Ashdove, can snap at him for dawdling - it is perhaps her biggest pet peeve behind kids who lean back so far their chair lifts off the floor.

Alec looks confused, which is fair, but there's a shine in his eyes like he's happy to see Magnus, like - like he thinks Magnus is someone worth looking at.

His mother's words come back to him, warm and intrusive.  _"He looks at you ... with love."_

He'd denied it, at the time, because it couldn't be true, it couldn't, because it's  _Alec._  Alec is his best friend, the best person - his mother an exception - that Magnus knows. He can't be in love with Alec, can't afford the damage it could bring, because their friendship is what keeps him sane.

Magnus doesn't believe that his mother is a liar, but he also hadn't the ability to believe that she could be right, that Alec could love him in any way other than the way a friend does; just because Alec is gay, doesn't mean that he's in love with Magnus.

With the way Alec is looking at him right now, though, gentle and amused, Magnus wonders if it's possible that Alec happens to, at the least be interested in him. It's an idea well out of his realm of possibility, but his mother's words refuse to leave him alone and his world is that topsy-turvy he can't see it settling back to normal any time soon.

"Mags?"

Magnus shakes his head, dismissing erratic thoughts that can't be true. It's nonsense, foolish hope, he just wants to lean on something familiar, because he's still working on being attracted to guys and juggling that with his attraction to girls because he knows there's a way to balance them, there has to be, he just hasn't figured it out.

Magnus doesn't know, which bothers him, and he doesn't need any added weight to his already frustrating headache.

"Sorry," Magnus offers Alec a weak smile. "Just, a bit dazed today. I slept in late, and it's kind of throwing me off."

"Oh," Alec takes in Magnus' outfit, his hair, the lack of his usual exuberance. His smile doesn't dampen. "I was wondering ... I thought you were just sick or something. I'm glad you're not, I'm glad you're - here."

Usually Magnus would quip back, with a witty joke or smirk, but this time, he can barely form a "yeah" in response.

"I have some notes, already." Alec continues, like nothing is out of the ordinary. "I was looking through the text before class, if you want to go over them?"

"Sure," Magnus summons a smile, though it's admittedly a little weak. "You're a lot smarter with this stuff than I am."

Alec ducks his head, cheeks a bright pink, and it warms something inside of Magnus. Alec rarely feels comfortable accepting compliments, or admitting them, but he's genuinely one of the smartest people that Magnus knows, and his humility only adds to the admiration Magnus harbours.

Alec flicks through his notebook, lined pages of neat handwriting and eloquent prose. He claims that he struggles with words, but Magnus thinks that is only through speech, because he gets nervous and trips over what he wants to say. With a pen in hand or hands to a keyboard, and no immediate pressure, Alec spins sentences and paragraphs that are inspiring and beautiful, though he can never quite believe it.

Just as he can't believe that he's actually brilliant despite Magnus' insistence.

"Everyone is good at something." Alec brushes off Magnus' compliment. "I just, happen to be okay with words."

"I think that 'okay' is quite an understatement," Magnus replies, bumping his shoulder against Alec's. "However, I recognise that arguing with you is stupid because you're possibly even more stubborn than I am."

Alec shrugs, smoothing out his page. "It's a gift." He says, almost distractedly. "I did a quick summary of the last chapter, and some outlines on the characters and their motives, if you want to take a look."

Magnus leans over, pleasantly unsurprised by the neat writing in specific, colour-coded sections spread across Alec's page - Alec takes great care in how things are set out and organised; Magnus has been on the receiving end of many a frustrated lecture regarding the "unbelievable mess" that is his bio and chem notes. His argument is that he doesn't have time to order his notes, he just needs them written down, and he usually goes back over them and rewrites the important ones anyway.

Alec starts explaining his notes, what he means by certain annotations he'd added, but Magnus can't seem to focus on anything but the warmth of Alec's tone and the tingle that spreads from his neck all the way down his spine. He feels feverish, skin hot and mouth alarmingly dry, symptoms he usually associates with a cold or a flu, not being in close proximity with his best friend.

"Magnus?"

Alec squeezes his shoulder, bringing him back to the present, for the most part, although his mind still feels a little dazed and foggy.

"Sorry," Magnus blinks, focusing on Alec's face and not the hand burning through his shirt. "I think I just, got a bit overwhelmed for a second."

"Is there something you're confused about?" Alec asks, kind as ever.

Yes, Magnus thinks. And it scares me.

 

* * *

 

"I still can't quite believe this happened."

Magnus smirks over his shoulder, arm slung over the back of his vanity chair. "It did. I was there. I have it on video."

Alec lifts his head up, leaning on his elbows. He'd collapsed onto Magnus' bed when they walked in, buzzed and a little exhausted from the football game that only an hour ago their team had won. There's another party, because this match secured them a spot in the semi-final and for a good time it didn't look like they were going to win - until they did, thanks to Alec, Jace and a few other quick-footed players.

Alec is still working on believing it. Magnus hasn't stopped beaming from pride since the final siren rang.

"You have it on video." Alec echoes, caught between puzzlement and disbelief. "You actually filmed it?"

"Well," Magnus shrugs. "Some of it. Obviously I didn't film the whole thing, but I did upload some clips of your greatest highlights to Snapchat." He spins back, focusing his gaze on his reflection instead of Alec, on his half-finished makeup instead of the hesitant joy that had brightened Alec's face.

He'd managed to convince Alec to go to the party, because the win is in part thanks to him, and because it will be a nice way for Alec to take some time out for himself and do something fun. They're not going to the big, seniors party being held at the captain's house, but the smaller one, for those who want to have fun and a laugh without being peer pressured into a keg stand.

It helps, that Camille will definitely be with the other popular kids at the big party, and Magnus knows the guy hosting the smaller one. He knows that Alec is going, in part, for him, which is something that Magnus appreciates more than he'd ever be able to express.

Alec would probably claim that it's only fair considering that Magnus attends his football games despite having no interest in the sport, but Magnus knows it's different. He attends the games because it's important to Alec, and he's proud of how hard Alec trains to become as good as he is, and he gets an almost second-hand pride when the crowd cheers for Alec.

Attending a party is committing to something that Alec isn't all that comfortable with, but he's going, just because Magnus wants to go, because he enjoys it, and that's - that's not something Magnus knows how to appropriately express gratitude for.

He rifles through the makeup collected on his desk, searching through for an eyeshadow that is bright but not overstated because he wants to look good, not obnoxious. He glances up, a pot of subtle peach eyeshadow in hand, to find his gaze locking with Alec's.

Alec smiles with his eyes. Occasionally, the corners of his mouth will quirk up or he'll grin a little, but the majority of his joy shines through his eyes.

Alec's smiling at him, now, with a gaze that feels almost admiring. Magnus inhales deeply, cheeks blooming with heat. He tears his eyes away, turning his focus to his makeup, cracking open the lid with hands that shake, just slightly. He picks up a brush, taps it carefully against the rim of the eyeshadow pot before applying the colour to his lids with slow and deliberate sweeps - he can't shrug off the sensation brought by Alec's heavy gaze on him, can't shake off the tiny sparks that trip across the surface of his skin at the knowledge that Alec is looking - that a part of Magnus, actually ...  _likes_  it.

After a moment, his bed creaks, Alec lying back down again. A trembling breath escapes between his lips, relief flooding him at that small movement alone, at the notion that he's no longer being watched.

He focuses on the task at hand, on finishing his eyeshadow and curling his lashes, long and dark, on defining the curves of his cheekbones with a shimmering highlight, painting his lips a pretty pink that glimmers when he smiles. It's less of a transformation and more an accentuation of his true self, opening the doors to let the real Magnus Bane out, proud and center stage.

He adds a little product into his hair to push it up, curls a few deliberate strands over his forehead just so, fingers running through his hair until he's satisfied with it. His thumb brushes over the snake cuff at the top of his ear, a gift from Alec - he can't remember from when, a birthday or a Christmas or something, just the sentimentality that comes with it, the tiny quip Alec had made about Magnus being sorted into Slytherin.

Magnus pushes the chair back, pleased with his look. He brushes potential lint off his tight black pants, pulls down the hem of his royal purple shirt, silky and tight around his shoulders, dipping into a v-neck at the front exposing the layered necklaces cascading down his chest, the material lined with a dark thread that glimmers when he moves.

"Ready?" He asks, watching the steady rise and fall of Alec's chest - his eyes are closed, and Magnus honestly wouldn't be surprised if he'd accidentally slipped into unconsciousness, because it's been a long week, for both of them.

Alec's eyes do open, then, and he swings himself forward, hands landing on his knees. "Sorry, I was just resting my eyes. I'm ready if you-"

He cuts off, eyes widening slowly as he takes in Magnus' outfit, gaze trailing up from his chunky boots - inspired by the best glam rockers around - to the silver chain-link belt around his waist, all the way up to his hair.

"If, I ... what?" Magnus echoes, a shiver racing down his spine.

Alec shakes his head, hands clenching over his knees. "I was just saying, I'm ready if you are." Alec stands up, a crease forming between his eyes. "You're not wearing your glasses."

Magnus touches his cheek, self-consciously. "No. I put contacts in, I decided it would be safer than accidentally breaking the best pair of glasses I have. Besides, I wanted to try them out. Does it look bad?"

"No." Alec responds, immediately. "No, no, it looks - well, you look amazing, as always. It's just, different."

"Good, different?"

Alec stands up from the bed, head inclined slightly. Magnus isn't sure why he's nervous, why any of this matters to him so much - he dresses up for himself, to make himself look and feel good.

"Yeah," Alec nods, slowly, his tongue poking out to swipe at his bottom lip. "Yeah, you look - fantastic."

Magnus swallows, his throat suddenly dry. "Thanks."

Alec looks great, too. Magnus doesn't have to be bisexual, or even attracted to guys in any sense to recognise that. His hair is tousled and curled, the collar of his varsity jacket flicked up, drawing attention to the light scattering of stubble along his jaw, his jeans naturally quite dark but surprisingly tight, converse scuffed and endearingly  _Alec._

"We should probably, go." Alec suggests, clearing his throat.

Magnus nods, summoning a weak smirk. "You don't think we should be fashionably late?"

"You're always fashionable." Alec responds, almost without thought. "But being late is rude, and that is something you're not."

Warmth fills Magnus, an experience restricted to him alone as Alec pats his pockets to ensure he has all he needs to leave with. Magnus  **shrugs on dark blazer,** checks his phone is in his own pocket, his keys digging into his hip, because he knows that if he doesn't check he'll walk out without them, a necessity as much as it is a distraction.

"You're looking quite handsome yourself," Magnus admits, without looking at Alec.

Alec knows. It hadn't been as easy as Magnus would have liked, facing his best friend and telling him that his attraction wasn't limited to one gender, but Alec's hug had been tight and reassuring, his response a stream of reassuring words that sunk into Magnus' skin and refused to leave.

Since his conversation with his mother, Magnus had been pondering a lot of things - but it was after that moment, after Alec had pulled back and looked at Magnus with something undefinable, that Magnus had found himself paying closer attention to his own feelings and just how unimaginably deep they run.

He's in love with Alec, or at the very least, as in love with him as someone their age can be, and it's terrifying.

In part, because he doesn't know if Alec feels the same. Yet, also, because he might - Magnus doesn't want to chance anything that might ruin the incredible bond they currently have, but the strength of their friendship can't diminish the surge of his feelings every time Alec touches or hugs him, every time Alec looks at him like he's  _important_ , nor the desire that simmers beneath his skin to draw Alec in and find out just what kissing him would feel like.

He can't risk it. He knows that, because the potentially misfortunate aftermath outweighs any good possibilities that his mind tries to convince him of.

Alec is his best friend, and ruining that just isn't worth it.

 

* * *

 

"If it isn't the one and only, Magnus Bane."

Magnus shakes his head, an amused grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. Woolsey Scott is rather eccentric in an elegant way - he comes from money, but doesn't abuse it the way a lot of rich senior kids seem to, preferring to spend his allowance on hosting dinner parties and small gatherings as opposed to raves, and doesn't ask for more than his parents give.

He has all the power and social status to be an arrogant git, but he's not. He is, instead, one of the most genuine, if odd, people Magnus knows.

"The infamous Woolsey Scott." Magnus reaches out, tapping the gold fabric bunched beneath Woolsey's chin. "Only you would pull off a cravat at a high school party."

Woolsey rolls his eyes, smoothing down his dark blue blazer with hands more adorned than Magnus'. "Envy is a sin, Magnus, my dear, and quite an ugly colour on you." His crystal green eyes flick to Alec, hovering a few inches behind Magnus.

"Is this your boyfriend?" Woolsey's gaze narrows, slightly. "He's cute. I hope he's a nicer football player than most."

"He's not my boyfriend." Magnus replies, quickly, because he knows Woolsey and he doesn't want anything to be insinuated that might make Alec uncomfortable. "And he's a lot nicer than most people. A lot nicer than you, and you don't even play sports."

"I used to play badminton, before it got dreadfully tedious." Woolsey points out with an air of inflated dignity. "Although, being nicer than me wouldn't be too hard."

He winks at Magnus, gaze falling to Alec, both studious and coy, before stepping aside. "Have fun, you two. Alas, not too much, as I promised my parents this party wouldn't end with any broken vases. Even my more tamer parties can still end in unfortunate damages."

"You're incorrigible." Magnus states, reaching back for Alec's hand to guide him through the door, not wanting to lose him in the bustling crowd of people.

Woolsey's charmed laughter sounds behind them, but it is nowhere near as warm as Alec's hand in his. Alec's palm is broad, his fingers long, and yet it fits between Magnus' - as horribly cliched as it sounds - like it belongs there, warm and flushed against his own.

"Would you like a drink?" Magnus asks, his voice fainter than he'd like.

"Uh, sure." Alec nods. "A cola would be great."

Magnus chuckles softly at that, because he can't help it - Alec is the only kid their age, who he knows that would pass up an opportunity to have an alcoholic drink without, for the most part, much consequence. Magnus has tried alcohol before, a few times - all of which his mother knows because keeping anything from her is like signing his own grounding - but Alec doesn't seem to have much of a taste for it.

Which, is fine, despite what some people might claim. Peer pressure is one of the most vile and toxic things to exist, and Magnus refuses to have any part in it.

He grabs them both cans, hands now wrapped around the cold drink. It chills him, bringing him sharply to reality, and a stark realisation that despite being at a party with people he knows, and people he'd like to know, the only thing he wants to do is spend time with Alec.

"It's a beautiful night," Magnus says, glancing at Alec from the corner of his eye, drink extended. "I've heard the backyard is just as beautiful as the house itself - care to take a look, with me?"

"You don't wanna," Alec waves his free hand, indicating the main area of the first floor, where music and laughter mingle and shouts of tipsy cheer rise above it all. "Go in there? With, everyone?"

Magnus shrugs, nerves twisting his stomach like a rag strung dry. "I'd rather spend time with you." He admits, quietly, in case he'd misjudged things and Alec actually wants to go in there himself.

"Oh," Alec smiles, soft corners and glittering eyes. "Well. Um. I'd - I'd like that. I'd, really like that."

"Good." Magnus offers Alec his hand, deliberately this time, aware of what he's doing and any connotation it might hold. "Shall we?"

 

* * *

 

The sky is dark, blanketed with stars that twinkle like fairy lights above their heads. Magnus fluffs out a tartan blanket he'd found in a hallway closet, laying it against a tall tree with a trunk broad enough for them both to lean comfortably against. He sits down first, Alec following after, their hips pressed together despite there not being much of a need for it.

"It really is gorgeous out here," Magnus gushes, tilting his head. It's rare to see the sky so clear, but Woolsey lives far enough from the city that the night is given a chance to shine.

"Yeah," Alec replies, as soft as Magnus feels. "It is."

Magnus glances over, to find Alec already looking over at him, like Magnus has personally hung the moon in the pretty night sky.

"Alec," Magnus parts his mouth, then closes it again, unable to form anything more, eloquent or otherwise.

"I love you."

Alec clamps his hand over his mouth, immediately, eyes blown stricken and wide - it's possible he mumbles something, but Magnus wouldn't know, unable to hear anything but the thud of his own heart inside his ears.

Alec loves him. Alec  _loves_  him. Magnus wants to pinch himself, because surely this is a dream, it has to be, there's no way on this planet that Magnus is lucky enough for Alec to love him,  _that_  way.

"I'm sorry," Alec mumbles, head sunk into his hands, fingers spread to cover his face - which isn't right, because Alec is beautiful, and he should never feel like he has to hide himself away, not from anyone, but certainly not from Magnus.

"I love you, too." Magnus says, because he can't think of anything else.

He'd expected something extravagant to happen, built up this moment in his mind so much - in the fleeting, brief glimpses of what might be before the rational part of his brain shut it down, inappropriate and impossible; but none of it happens, no fireworks, no clinging to each other for dear life, no pressing together like space is nothing.

Alec's hands fall from his face, landing in his lap, and he stares, hazel eyes piercing into Magnus', unravelling him, layer by put-upon layer. It's the only secret Magnus has ever really kept from Alec, and now it's out, floating in the open for Alec to take or dismiss as he so chooses.

"You love me?" Alec whispers, quiet for fear of breaking the moment between them.

"Yeah," Magnus reaches for Alec's hand, caught between their bodies, their drinks nestled in the grass a few inches away. "I love you. As more than a friend. More than even a best friend."

Alec still doesn't look like he quite believes Magnus, but there's a cautious hope brightening his features - he's never looked more beautiful than when he's smiling, eyes alight and sparkling with the joy he can't contain inside.

Alec squeezes his hand, jaw working in silence. He takes a minute to gather his thoughts, time that Magnus gladly gives because he needs it as much as Alec does. The moment doesn't feel real, everything heightened to such an impossible degree that Magnus wouldn't be surprised if he woke up to it all being a wonderful, fleeting dream.

Though it all feels tantalisingly real.

"My feelings for you are more than a friend, too." Alec whispers. "I think I've always, loved you like that, I just - I just had to work it out for myself, first, work out my own things, my sexuality and what that meant before I could look at what I feel for you."

Magnus lifts his free hand, cradling Alec's cheek with a tender care. "I'd love to say I've known all along, because that would make my life a lot easier, but it took a fair amount of self-evaluation before I realised. But there's always been-" Magnus takes a deep breath, searching for the words in Alec's kind eyes. "There's always been something deeper to my feelings for you, that I never quite realised. You've always been more than just my best friend."

Magnus has always been fascinated by space, by the endless expanse of the universe and the possibility of galaxies that humans will never reach, of life that carries on without human disruption, planets with their own ecosystems and the beauty of the way they orbit around each other.

He's just as fascinated by Alec, and the way they gravitate together, the way time syncs between their heartbeats in its own chronology, without use of words or anything more than their souls in tune. Magnus' hand curls around the back of Alec's neck, fingers tangled in his hair, lips a breath's distance away from Alec's. There's a moment, where they stand on the safe side of the situation, where their friendship can remain the way it is, unchanged but still good.

Until Alec exhales, breath ghosting over Magnus' lips, and closes the short distance between them like it barely even exists. His lips are soft, hesitant, as though he's worried that anything more would frighten Magnus away - he holds inside his hands Magnus' heart, but fragile though it might just be, it is not made of glass. He won't break.

He trusts Alec, with everything; his heart included.

Magnus pushes closer, fingers pressing into the nape of Alec's neck, his mouth persistent against Alec's. He's kissed people before, a few - his first kiss with a sweet summer girl had been chaste and cheeky; Camille in contrast had kissed sharply, with a bite and a cold edge that never seemed to disappear.

Alec is an entirely new and exciting experience, a thousand times better than any kiss Magnus had in the past. He's gentle and tender, his hand resting on Magnus' leg, the other tracing over the ridge of Magnus' knuckles and the engraved metal of his rings. Alec kisses like he has all the time in the world to spend on it, yet also, like he's determined to use that time to do the best he can. He pours everything he has into the touches of fingers and lips, doesn't waste for anything, and it's the best moment of Magnus' life.

Well. Second best. Hearing Alec say  _"I love you"_  was a pretty big moment.

Alec pulls back first, lips falling from Magnus' slowly, hesitantly. Magnus keeps his eyes closed for a moment, letting it all sink in, letting his buzzing skin settle and his heart slow down enough that he doesn't feel threatened by cardiac arrest.

Alec is watching him when Magnus opens his eyes, thumb tracing over the back of Magnus' hand idly. He's smiling that tiny, secretive one reserved for people he cares the most about.

Magnus feels a sense of honour that he's included in that.

"I feel like I should be annoyed, that we didn't do that sooner." Alec says, with a half-shrug. "But, I'm not. I think I needed time to figure myself out, we both did, and we're at a point where it's not going to mess anything up."

Magnus brushes his thumb over the curve of Alec's ear. He feels the same, which isn't a surprise, because they always seem to find themselves on the same wavelength. "We were always meant to be," He says. "It's simply fate taking us by the hand and bringing us together at the right time."

Alec leans his forehead against Magnus', a sunshine smile curving his pink-kissed lips. "I can't believe what a sap you are." He says, laughter carrying his tone. "I'm not sure I want to date you, now, I take back everything I said."

Magnus pouts, his lips brushing just slightly against the corner of Alec's mouth. "Don't say that," He replies. "I'd be a wonderful boyfriend. My being sappy just means that I really, really love you."

Alec kisses Magnus, and it's barely anything, a chaste press of lips, but to Magnus it is  _everything._

"I really, really love you too." He whispers in the space between them, hooded eyes glittering so bright it brings out envy in the stars. The tips of his fingers trace the back of Magnus' hand with idle thought, as though he isn't paying much attention to it, he's just doing it because he wants to.

It settles on Magnus then, that although there are possibilities now open to them that weren't before, it doesn't have to mean that anything really changes. They're still best friends, it's just a bonus that they now get to kiss a bit - or a lot, preferably, because Alec is a  _great_  kisser.

"You're beautiful," Magnus whispers, pulling his hand back so that it curves against Alec's cheek. It's not what he intended to say, but it is something that he means, and something Alec deserves to know.

Alec shakes his head, slightly, his cheeks brightening with a flooding warmth. "Mags," He replies, disbelief colouring his tone.

"You are." Magnus insists, before Alec can try and argue facts. "Inside," Magnus slowly traces his finger down Alec's neck to his heart - it beats steadily, if a little fast, beneath his palm. "And out."

He teases a kiss at the corner of Alec's mouth, not so much because he feels he needs to, but because he wants to, because he can. It's still a terrifyingly thrilling thought.

"You're the gorgeous one," Alec replies, pulling back enough to lock gaze with Magnus. "You're confident and kind and brilliant ... and you're possibly the prettiest person I have ever seen."

Alec trails off into a laugh, soft and a little self-deprecating. Magnus takes his hand from Alec's hold, brushing his knuckle beneath his eye, mindful of not ruining his makeup. It's an odd thing, to have glasses; wearing them, he can't shake off the 'nerdy' connotations that have followed him since elementary. Without them, he's achingly conscious of the fact there is something missing, something different.

"You even look cute with your glasses on," Alec admits, apparently understanding, as he always does, what Magnus is thinking. "It's a little infuriating."

Magnus stares in disbelief, all whilst a smile curves from the joy crashing over him. "I don't know whether I should be insulted by that statement, or not."

Alec matches him, smile for smile. "Take it as the compliment that it is," Alec assures him. "It's my very awkward way of saying that I think you're beautiful no matter what you wear."

Love, Magnus thinks, is a million tiny things; it's Alec's smile as he presses it to Magnus', the flutter of his eyelashes against Magnus' cheek, the tender way he kisses back and the care he takes in lowering Magnus to the blanket beneath them.

It's Alec's generosity of spirit and kind heart and the selfless way he puts everyone else's needs before his own; soft eyes and bright smiles, the romance of moonlight over two best friends who've had the luck to find hope and love in each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Buah hatiku means 'fruit of my heart' in Indonesian and is often used as a term of affection towards children.
> 
> quotes included from the ninth issue of Young Avengers Vol. 2 // Writer: Kieron Gillen; Cover Artist: Jamie McKelvie -- any fans of YA please tweet me because I can never talk about them enough :D
> 
> for those who aren't aware, Kate Bishop/Hawkeye is headcanoned (to my knowledge) - though unfortunately not stated to be - bisexual; Billy Kaplan/Wiccan is gay + in a healthy relationship (with Teddy) ... and he essentially wields magic... and Diana Prince/Wonder Woman was confirmed as bisexual last year :)
> 
> \--
> 
> all my love to the fan club and my parabrotai, for always being there when I needed support, and my darling writing buddy [Sam](https://twitter.com/alecwinchesterr) for being endlessly excited about every tiny thing.
> 
> Most of all - love, gratitude and an eternity of hugs to my beta [Lu](https://notcrypticbutcoy.tumblr.com), for turning her brilliant gaze to this fic and providing incredible help and beautiful lines that have helped form this into something better than I could have ever dreamed.
> 
> -
> 
> LINKS (if you're interested): 
> 
> Twitter: [ninwrites](https://mobile.twitter.com/ninwrites) for fic stuff/updates/snippets + [malteser_24](https://mobile.twitter.com/malteser_24) for general fandom mess
> 
> Tumblr: [killjoyrow](http://killjoyrow.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you are interested in live-tweeting please use the tag #adsfic I'll be sure to check them out :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading! I sincerely hope you've enjoyed it.
> 
> \- Nin ❤


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